life in motion.

I've tried several different ways of starting this post, but deleted them all. I've been in Sydney for a few days. Now I'm home for two days, and then we are off to M's hometown. Then two more days at home, and my parent's arrive.

Whew.

I feel like we're constantly in motion. Walking, running, on a train, in a taxi, driving in a car. Chasing trains and people and memories. Willow is growing and changing and racing towards being a big girl, but then running back to me and saying she doesn't want to be a big girl any more. But that happens less and less. She is proud of being a big girl now and wearing big girl undies. If you're lucky, she'll even lift up her skirt in a crowded fancy restaurant and show you. I have so many posts to write and pictures to share. But in short- Willow and I trained down to Sydney. It was magnificent. I gave Mel her birthday gifts. I love giving, much more then receiving. Mel gave Willow a gift- her first Lego. We went to the Pregnancy, Children's and Parent's expo, and it was lovely. There were goats to feed, sheep to pat, Elmo and Cookie Monster to meet and greet, and lots and lots and lots of stalls to see. I didn't mange to see them all. We got a new stroller. Something else to post about later, but it's a life changer.

M drove down and we caught a train into Circular Quay to check out Vivid. Indescribable. Despite the rain, and being cold and wet, we were all transfixed by the various light installations all around. More on that later.

And now? Willow's been going to childcare. Twice a week. I have photos of her to show off, and photos of her artwork. But all that comes later, once tummies are full of food, our furry and fluffy friends are fed and watered and cleaned, and mountains of washing are done... but normally when that happens I find myself reading a book or sewing instead of getting on the laptop. But stick with me, just a little while longer, and I'll get there. Eventually. Once we stop always being in motion....

Willow says...

willow, do you want to help me pick up these toys?
no you do it. I'm going to watch tv now.

Mother's day.

A photo by the little miss from my phone. I think it turned out very well.

We celebrated Mother's day on Monday since M was working the weekend. M was going to make pancakes for breakfast, but woke that morning to find I had used up the last of the eggs to make a cauliflower pizza base. D'oh. M then took Willow out for the day to Newcastle, as he had something to pick up. While he was out I worked on the patchwork blanket for Mel's birthday, and managed to nearly finish off the top.

Two parcels arrived- a Motex embossed label maker, and a book, which made the day feel pretty special. Then M arrived home with special gift for me, plus more trucks for Willow, and 300 photos from Willow's first year that I put in to be printed last week. Oh, tiny baby. Where have you gone?

We lounged around the played with the trucks, then Todd came over. Willow was delighted. Children love Todd, and Willow is no exception. We went to dinner at the pub at the end of our street, and M won some money and I won the fruit and veggie tray.

So that was my mother's day. A lucky day.

Good, Bad, Ugly.

Good:

•  Pantry overhaul. M admitted that somehow seeing all our nuts and what not in pretty glass jars makes them look more interesting- like being in a lolly shop.
• I got myself this for mother's day.Why yes, I do have a label maker already, but it's a boring, office style label maker from Big W. This one is much cooler.
• Season Three of Game of Thrones. Isn't it amazing? I'm practically dribbling at the mouth for the Red Wedding. THAT'S TOTALLY HAPPENING THIS SEASON RIGHT? Also, I can't wait to find out how it all ends. There are so many fantastic characters, and they're all so very different. Plus, the detail that's gone into all the different worlds and cultures? Mmm. M, however, still finds himself hopelessly lost with the huge cast of characters, and lack of a clearly defined bad guy ("What? There's FIVE sides? Which ones are the bad guys?" "Errr, none of them. They all hate each other...")
• Willow's been sleeping well.  Except for the bit when she got up at around 6:30am the other morning because we forgot to close her blinds, but really. 9am is the new 10am.
• It's been getting colder, which is nice. It means we can spend more time outdoors.
• Willow's mostly mastered toilet training. She's been doing pretty well at home with it, and ok-ish when we're out. Reminding her that no one wants to be her friend if she pees her pants in public is excellent motivation for her to stop playing and get up to use the toilet.

Bad:

• Willow peed on a shop floor. I hissed at her to go into the change room and take all her clothes off, hoping that I could mop it all up and flee, but somehow on her way in, the curtain fell down on her. Arrrragh. So no mopping it up and fleeing. Shameful confessions instead.
• Remember the "pantry overhaul" I mentioned before? I've been doing a house over haul and clearing out a lot of stuff. It just means everything's been really messy and chaotic lately. Unless you've been to our house, you don't realise how small it really is, and how something as simple as an extra full box around the house can mean chaos and annoyance.
• Also, it's weird. I thought M and I were careful with what we purchased, baring in mind that we live in a tiny house and we're planning on moving once we save up. We still have a surprising amount of unwanted stuff. Clothes that don't fit us, kitchen stuff we don't use- a lot were gifts, or came in multi packs ie it was cheaper to buy six assorted wooden spoons in a bag then the two we really needed.
• It's been getting colder. Willow's favorite place to hang out is the beach, which is one of the worst places to go when it's winter.

Ugly

• You know what? There's nothing ugly happening in my life right now.

Maitland Gaol

We went to Maitland Gaol on a whim. Actually I lie, we went to Maitland Gaol because we drove past it, and we've been watching a LOT of the Walking Dead, and it seemed like a good idea to check out our local gaol, just in case. Because you and I know that M, Willow and myself are totally going to survive the initial outbreak and we're going to need a safe place to live later on.

In this scenario, the zombie Apocalypse will be caused by artificial chemicals in food- maybe the world's supply of chicken meat could become contaminated? But realistically, I know the zombie plague will be an airborne bacteria, not a virus transmitted by a bite. I mean, come on. If it's supposed to be contagious and destroy civilisation, then it's gotta be airborne.

Willow is obsessed with a zombie book a friend gave us called "That's not your Mummy anymore." Sometimes she will stick up both her hands and pretend to be a zombie.

When we last visited M's family, Willow kept insisting there was a zombie in one of the rooms. Weirdly, it was the room that M's grandfather stayed in before he died, so we wondered if she was seeing a ghost. When I asked her for a description, she said "blue suit, white shirt, hat." The next day she said "sparkly and spiky.

In non zombie news- Willow's skirt. I made it. Here it is, before I put elastic in. Willow loves the hearts and bunnies best. Also, Maitland Gaol is lovely. Go there. Willow loved the grass, and the cage out the front (really an englarged gate.) She insisted it was a bird cage.

stay forever.

So here's the thing that I'm really confused about at the moment. Well, one of the few things.

Skywhale, complete with large mammary glands, floating over our nations capital. I don't quite understand this either. Source.

I try hard to limit screen time, both for Willow and myself.
I also try to not say/ post anything really stupid online, stuff that can come back to haunt me.
I finally got some thank you cards posted off, and tomorrow I really will finish off those letters I owe everyone.
I have two weeks to make Mel a quilt for her birthday. Also, it's super long, since Mel and her partner are super tall.
We went to visit M's family for nearly a week, and we went to Sydney again for nearly a week, and I haven't mentioned any of that on my blog.
I'm going to Sydney in two weeks. Or next week. It all depends on Mark's roster. 
We still haven't fixed the light in Willow's room.
I don't really know where I'm going with this blog these days.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this blog because the words aren't coming. Or they come, a little bit here, a little bit there. I feel like I'm faffing most of the time, writing badly, writing words I really don't want to read again or enjoy. But I started writing in Willow's voice.... and then I lost that and started in mine. Things were good for a while, and then that fell away. I don't think it's waning interest, since I've blogged since 2003, making it one of my longest running hobbies. And man, it's awkward blogging sometimes because I've changed so much. I've grown so much. I've tried on so many persona's and styles, trying to find the one that fits me... and now, I'm still tentatively still working on being cool myself.

I'm a winger. I make a lot of things up as I go, because whenever I make plans, my life takes rather drastic turns. For example, two years ago, when Willow's father and I spilt, my plan was to study nursing, graduate, while saving up for a small house for the two of us. I couldn't see myself in a serious relationship with anyone until after I graduated. I couldn't afford to live in Darwin, nor could I find a rental... so I started looking at other places in Australia. Other cheaper places. I started looking at universities with rural campus's- the ones you don't need a high Tertiary Entrance Rank (TER, also known as ATAR) for. I never really considered myself very smart. A bluffer, and a show off, yes. But not mentally agile and gifted.

I've always wanted to live in Sydney. Around this time, M called me up out of the blue and we started talking on the phone. He mentioned Newcastle- the nearest city to where he was- had a uni. I half looked into it, and figured it was cheaper to live, and an easier uni to get into, then anything in Sydney. I put Newcastle Uni down as my first preference, then the University of Technology second. I think Newcastle Uni's Ourimbah campus was third, and I also applied for University of New England, which was separate.
The day I found out how I went on the mature age entry test was the same day first round preferences was announced. I was easily accepted into Newcastle University. My TER was high enough I could have waited and gone to a university in Sydney... but I didn't. M and I had been talking on the phone for a few months, so I decided to stick with Newcastle and see where things went. You know how this ended.

M and I decided to move in together because we had an unhealthy co-dependant relationship. M would finish a 12 hours shift and then drive two hours to see me. Then he would sleep for a few hours, get up, drive the two hours back to work for another 12 hour shift... If M wasn't driving two hours to see me, doped up on No Doze, I was training all the way out to see him, at Nearly At the End of The Line, text books in tow. Basically, we decided to live together so M didn't fall asleep at the wheel. And it wasn't all romping. We talked a lot, and still do. Like a pair of budgies. While M's at work, we sms each other. When he's home, we're always talking... although now, Willow does most of the talking. Unhealthy co-dependant relationship- we can't go several hours without talking to each other...

So, instead of studying nursing in Newcastle, I'm living in Little Town, and wondering if we're better off if I just get a job rightnow, instead, so we can save up to buy a house quicker. See? I'm bad at making plans. I feel like an engagement or pregnancy announcement is the logical end to this post, since it's all about my inability to plan my future/ funny twists life takes/ how much I adore M/ how we're all in a transition period in so many ways, but nothing like that is happening....

... Well, M did bring me home a big rock. Actually, he brings me home big rocks all the time from work, but this one was special, because it was petrified wood, and I've been begging him to bring home some for ages. M says there is a lot lying around the mines, but nothing in carry home pieces. So, I now have my special big rock and I'm very happy. You can see the bark, and the rings in the wood, and it's just beautiful. Expect photos when I finish setting the garden on fire.

So. Sundayland it now is around here. Because it feels right. And doing what feels right? It's made me insanely happy. I promise to write better, and more, instead of cluttering up my facebook with blabbler about Willow... which is hyprocritical, when you think about how I'm trying to limit screen time, but whatevs.

Promise.

Willow says...

Don't wash my hair!
I have to wash your hair! You're a big girl now.
*grabs colander that we use to store her bath toys, places it on her head.*
Now you cannot wash my hair!

New year goals #26

26. Get Willow a table and chairs of her own.

This was done thanks to M's mother's generosity.

M's mother gave us these wooden vanilla coloured table and chairs. She also said we can repaint them as these have seen their fair wear and tear. I also have a massive cane basket that I got from the markets (from the same guy I got the guinea pigs from, actually) that I've always intended to repaint. But what colour? Anyone? Maybe leaf green for the table and chairs, like the green on the table cloth? Apple red for the basket? Sky blue for the basket? Lime green?

Willow's room is due for a possible reshuffle. While I don't mind the current layout of Willow's room, with my parents coming for a holiday.... we don't have anywhere for them to stay. We have the two bedrooms, then a combined kitchen/ living area. The kitchen/ living area is actually quite spacious, but M gets up at 4am to go to work, so he needs to move through that area and turn on lights.

So, what I'm thinking: I move my study desk into my bedroom (assuming it will fit, it has to) and give Willow the whole room, instead of a tiny two thirds. The downsides means that there will definitely be no more room in our bedroom for Willow's bed, so whoever stays with us, is stuck with her.

I haven't told M this because it's been less than six months since the liquid nails fiasco, and all the stress of our little DIY project from hell. I don't know how this "do you think you could remove that board that you liquid nailed on?" is going to go down. Especially since it will prove I was right all along, and instead of liquid nailing that ply wood down, we should have made it a cupboard door.... Plus, I want to give him time to recover from the whole SUPRISE LOOK I GOT US TWO GUINEA PIGS thing.

Wish me luck. And that the removal of the play goes smoothly.

baptim dress

When Willow was baptised in 2010, I got her a simple cotton dress. Nothing too hot, nothing too fancy. I think it ended up costing me $35 from Tree of Life.

It fits her now, as a regular dress. I'm a little bit torn. Should she wear it now for special occasions? Or should I pack it away, for future maybe babies, who might also be baptised in it? I feel like some things become more special through wear, because by using these "special" items, you can attach memories to them.

Flashback Friday: Willow with friends.

I hate you and I hate play dough.

Play dough is one of those things where you really, really need to KISS- Keep It Simple, Stupid.

Play dough should never be more complex than dough in one colour, and maybe a rolling pin and some cookie cutters.

But for some reason, the makers of the play dough brand keep trying to convince us we need more. We need special desert versions, and special fun packs, and all sort of stupid packs which are LIES for the following reasons:

1. On the packet, you'll see the children on the packet making, say, amazing cupcakes topped with multi coloured sprinkles. LIES. Maybe some uber gifted older children out there make things like that, but it never seems to work out. Plus, if you make the rainbow sprinkles, how are you going to pick them apart again later? Because if you don't, you end up with ugly yucky play dough because all the colours mix together. Next time you see a play dough packet, look at the pictures. Look past how amazing the sets look, and realise that they all involve mixing the colour together.
2. There is only one play dough brand, and it's amazing and non toxic so that's what everyone must buy. Plus it's cheap and easy. LIES. You can make play dough EXACTLY LIKE THAT, EQUALLY KID SAFE, in your own damn kitchen, for even cheaper.
3. Plus, you can go to the op shop and get cookie cutters super cheap. I think we got 50 cutters for... $2? Then someone gave us the exact same set, except brand new.
4. The fancy play dough gadgets take longer to clean than children spend playing with them.

Admittedly, I'm writing this post in a pretty cranky mood. Willow and I just had an argument over play dough, in which she completely refused to tidy it up because she was too tired. LIES. So I said if she didn't pick it up, it would dry up like the last two packets. She shrugged and walked off. FURY RAGE MURDER. So I told her if she left this play dough to dry out, it would be her third tub, her third strike, and she would never get any play dough ever again. And she was all "Ok."
Plus, I jammed my thumb really hard in the extruder while trying to clean the fancy thing out. MORE FURY RAGE MURDER.

I sense another op shop run coming on.

car wash

Willow cleaning the coal dust off Todd's car. Willow adores Todd. When Todd and M return home from work Willow is always super excited to rush out to greet them.