family.

These photos were actually from when my parents visited a few months ago, that I never got around to posting. We went to the Circus, and Walka Water Works, where you can ride a miniature train around the lake. And we took some photos.

man of the house.

Another one of those posts... the posts I sit on, for weeks, for months, turning over in my head, deciding what to say...

Friends would often ask us what Willow called M- she calls him by his first name. Neither of us minded. I actually liked it in a way- Mummy and Marky, the alliteration, a matched pair. Neither of us honestly felt the need for Mark to claim a title for himself, because it's a title for other people, really. M is not ruled by his ego. It's the little things that makes him a role model, a carer, a guardian, a man. It's seeing Willow mimic the best of him, and Willow learning directly and indirectly from him. It's the tickles and the cuddles, and the breakfasts and the disciplining and the sacrifices and memories he makes.

Then after Christmas, he went back to work, and Willow and I stayed with his family for a few days. Willow missed him. I'm so sad M is gone, she would cry. Someone commented to Willow playing on a swing set that she should tell M to hurry up and buy a house, so she can have a swing set of her own.
Whose M? She innocently asked. We laughed.
You know. M. The guy you live with. 
Oh him? I call him Daddy now, Willow casually answered. The friend looked at me and I shrugged. That's news to me too, I said. Then we more or less dropped the topic.

Sometimes she calls him Daddy. Sometimes she calls him Mark. Sometimes she calls him Daddy Mark, or Mark Daddy. Sometimes she calls me Christine. She refers to us jointly as her parents. I'd half tried to explain to her that Mark was technically a stepfather- Hey Willow, do you ever wonder why you call M, M, instead of Daddy?
No, why? 
Um...
Tell me!
Well, you know how Amber's daddy doesn't live with Amber and her mum?
But my daddy does live with us, She replied, while giving me some serious duh side eye.
Ah... yeah. Ok. 

M has never complained about rising Willow- the expenses, the changed lifestyle, changing his own plans or dreams for his own children. He accepts that. He doesn't complain. He doesn't haggle over money- he doesn't deny her classes in dancing or swimming, or trips to the zoo, or holidays to see her grandparents- I do think he loves her as he would his own. (And his own she is in so many ways!) He make bright plans for her future- cricket lessons, birthday present ideas, schooling- and makes her laugh. He reads her patient bed time stories, and she pretends to sleep, snuggled into his arm, so he can't leave. He patiently teaches her the names of the fish they catch, how to read (we try to, anyway) the cars on the road, and not so patiently reminds her to not talk back. Willow's friend's also adore M- one made a point of asking her mum if "Willow's dad" would be there today. Another time, during a sleepover, Amber was getting frustrated with Willow and was all What would M say if he was here about leaving the lids off the textas? I don't remember Willow's reply, but then the two girls were then all I wish M was here. He's pretty great, isn't he? to each other.
(The only thing I heard them say about me behind my back was "We'd better stop, Christine might come in and get mad" which I'm 90% sure means that M and I have the good cop/ bad cop routine happening.)

M doesn't let his ego or pride get in the way of caring for Willow. And it's beautiful and makes my heart want to explode for the two of them. Sometimes when  I tell M how great I think he is with Willow, how good he is, he jokes "Well, imagine how good I'd be with one of my own!"

But do you want to know a secret? I think Willow is pretty much is own already.

life and death.

Willow casually mentioned in the car that she didn't want Ethan coming to her birthday. On further questioning, she explained that she "just didn't" and only wanted Amber and Xander there, but she was looking forward to sleeping over at Ethan's that night. Huh. Ok.

I mentioned it to ethan's mum, who replied that Ethan had mentioned not wanting Willow to come to his birthday (a trip to see monster trucks) because "Willow just doesn't get trucks." A fair enough statement, because when Monster trucks are on tv, Ethan tries to get her to watch. 

Willow, naturally, was all what are these cars doing?
"Willow, they're not cars! They're TRUCKS!" Ethan replied, scandalized. Then Willow got bored and wandered off, and Ethan was all "Willow, he's about to do a burnout! Come look! Why aren't you watching? You're missing out! Willow!"

I guess Willow and Ethan must have discussed their birthdays and reached a mature and mutual decision- Ethan doesn't want any part of a princess party or whatever Willow has planned, and Willow doesn't want any part of monster trucks. (Although after watching the V8 Supercars with M on tv, Willow came and asked me why do some people like car races and some do not?)

Willow is very much looking forward to turning 5. She's sick of being the shortest and slowest. When she turns 5, she believes she will then be bigger than Ethan and Dean, because they'll only be 4. I did point out that they'll be 5 in October and November, but she just looked at me funny. It reminds me of the night of her birthday, when Willow was playing with Amber and was all "you can be the baby and I'LL be the mummy cos I'm big now, I'm FOUR." Amber gave her a massive side eye and we fell about laughing, because Amber is a year and a half older.

Amber slept over a few weeks ago. I got solo kid duties, as M ended going out to a work dinner with Amber's mother, which isn't as weird as it sounds. As Amber and her mum said goodbyes and their "I love yous" Willow, standing to the side whispered "I'm going to kill you."

I blame Bambi. (Disney in general. They killed off Elsa's parents, Bambi's mum, Simba's dad, Nemo's mum and siblings, etc. Also Ever After, where the father dies of a heart attack, and Anastasia, which is by Fox Studios. I mean, in that one, Anastasia's entire family are quietly massacred off screen. ("mummy, where did her family go?" "Ah. They all died." "How did they die?" "....") Ever since watching Bambi Willow has been obsessed/ intensely curious about death.

With Ethan, they like playing "dead people" which involves one person being whacked by a ball with a string on it- this is the bullet, apparently. Then the other person drops down dead. If Ethan "kills" Willow, she lies there and yells orders at him- ok, now drag me down there! If Willow's "killing" Ethan she just whacks him repeatedly with the ball until they both fall about laughing. 

I can't decide if I should just let it go or get Willow into a psychologist. Death is a natural thing.... Right????

She suddenly thought one afternoon, when looking in the glass at her fairness, that there was yet another date, of greater importance to her than those; that of her own death, when all these charms would have disappeared; a day which lay sly and unseen among all the other days of the year, giving no sign or sound when she annually passed over it; but not the less surely there.

Thomas Hardy, Tess of the D'Ubervilles.

Magnatab

I got Willow this handy little gadget- a magnatab- and it lives in my bag as something for her to play with when we are out and bored. The little silver balls are magnetic, so when you run the pen over them they jump up and stick to the top. I don't know if that description made sense, but Willow enjoys it. There is an alphabet version, but it's $40... Maybe a Christmas gift? Hmm... There are already a few things that M and I are thinking of getting her for Christmas- like her very own mirror for her room, or a dream catcher for her collection, or duplo- so, we will see, since we don't like to go too crazy.

Suddenly it seems almost like spring might be here. Almost. But almost means it's time to start preparing to plant things... I have missed having fresh herbs growing. Basil, thyme, rosemary, sage, mint, coriander and parsley- I can't wait to get them growing! I've never had luck with starting sage from seed, and my mint keeps dying :( but a new house a new start? Perhaps this summer I shall (literally) taste success?

The cows are looking very fat in the nearby paddocks, and there are flowers appearing on certain bushes. Willow has planted a seed from an orange in our backyard, and she's been dutifully watering it every day for several days. I haven't been able to bring myself to tell her The Truth. We really need to do something with the garden, which is just a badly grassed sloping bit of land filled with bindis, but... money. Also, time. We're more focussed on the inside of the house. The outside is a big job.

I'd really love to just wake up and find it had been terraced and retaining walls up and a new fence up. Council approvals and paperwork done. Garden planned and planted and just done, ready for us to enjoy.