of late.

I haven't been sick for four years, so I bragged about it. Now Willow keeps sneezing in my face and I've been horribly sick twice this month. Fail.

Willow was sick first. This meant she slept for 6 out of 8 hours of a very long train ride. Success? 

I got to be sick at M's mother's house and she got to look after Willow, instead of me being sick and all by myself. Success! 

Back at uni! Doing two subjects- Nutrition, which I'm enjoying, and health and illness in the older person, which I'm not as passionate about. Oh well. I plan on passing both. Nutrition is online, and I've found someone to pick Willow up from childcare for the odd day where I'm at uni and Mark's also at work.  Success.

There is never enough hours in the day. People talk about this work/ life balance, but I feel like there's a third one- work/life/duty. M looks after Willow without being asked- he's very good like that. Even when he comes home from 12 hours on night shift, if Willow wakes before he goes to bed, he'll look after her while I slumber on. But I feel so darn guilty, especially because we're a one income household- that one income is M's, and he spends a lot of it on us. Some of it is unavoidable- like food, nappies, winter clothing, rent- and some I feel bad about asking for- like, can I have $100 and go down to Sydney for a few days to see my friends? Or hey, can you pay $200 for my uni text books for this semester? And next semester's will probably cost you about the same, too. While you're at it, maybe could you get some insurance for us all since I just realized I have like $2000 worth of paper on my bookcase? And birthday or christmas gifts for my family and friends. Even though I try to make a lot of stuff.... I still need money to go to spotlight to get the fabric to sew into wonderful gifts. I hate having to crawl to M to drive me out to Spotlight, then hope he will pay... and no darling, I can't use all that fabric I already have at home, it needs to be different! So again, I dip into my savings... The little bit of money I get from centrelink goes into Willow's childcare.... and then some out of my savings. And I'm going back to Darwin to see my parents. Could you pay for that my love? M doesn't complain about Willow costing him extra, but it's hard, because we're trying to save for a house. And you cannot lie, if Willow and I weren't around, he would be richer (but hopefully sadder?) M never sets out to make me feel this way. He's lovely and supportive and funny and good looking- but how can I ask someone who already does so much for us to do even more? Since I don't bring a wage in, it's really only fair that I keep the house clean... if I don't, M will just wake up before me and clean the the house and then I feel awful, because not only do I cost M lots of money just by being alive, M doesn't try to make me feel guilty, he just gets up, (on his day off, after working 12 hour shifts) cleans the house for me and then will offer to take Willow to the park so I can study in our nice clean house. He is too perfect and I fail to come close to matching that, no matter how much I try to perfect that stepford's wives thing. Fail fail fail. 

Training Willow to go overnight without wetting her bed. I have done up three pages of rewards for her to aim for. I'm not going to say how this is going in case I jinx ourselves. 

For reasons known best to her, Willow's been insisting on sleeping on the floor because he bed is "not comfortable." I've checked for peas with no luck, but I'm not too worried. It's easier to clean a sleeping bag than a mattress. Success.

While M cleaned the bird's cage, Othello flew away. Fail.

Willow didn't seem to upset by the loss of the bird she said was her favorite. Fail? 

M got Willow a new bird. Willow wants to call it Othello. We told her Othello is a boy's name, so now it's Sally. Sally is the name of a lady at childcare, and Willow names all her toys Sally. Success? 

Willow is still asking for a real baby and/or a puppy called Sparkles, despite developing a full blown fear of our neighbor's small white yapping dogs. Fail.

Willow's favorite radio station is Sydney's gay radio station. It's the only station that plays music that is upbeat enough for her. M figured out how to steam it digitally, so now Willow can have her favorite music whenever she wants. Success!

Willow says...

"Mummy, why is my room so messy?"
"Because you messed it up."
"I DIDN'T. The toys just... fell off the shelves."