stay forever.

So here's the thing that I'm really confused about at the moment. Well, one of the few things.

Skywhale, complete with large mammary glands, floating over our nations capital. I don't quite understand this either. Source.

I try hard to limit screen time, both for Willow and myself.
I also try to not say/ post anything really stupid online, stuff that can come back to haunt me.
I finally got some thank you cards posted off, and tomorrow I really will finish off those letters I owe everyone.
I have two weeks to make Mel a quilt for her birthday. Also, it's super long, since Mel and her partner are super tall.
We went to visit M's family for nearly a week, and we went to Sydney again for nearly a week, and I haven't mentioned any of that on my blog.
I'm going to Sydney in two weeks. Or next week. It all depends on Mark's roster. 
We still haven't fixed the light in Willow's room.
I don't really know where I'm going with this blog these days.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this blog because the words aren't coming. Or they come, a little bit here, a little bit there. I feel like I'm faffing most of the time, writing badly, writing words I really don't want to read again or enjoy. But I started writing in Willow's voice.... and then I lost that and started in mine. Things were good for a while, and then that fell away. I don't think it's waning interest, since I've blogged since 2003, making it one of my longest running hobbies. And man, it's awkward blogging sometimes because I've changed so much. I've grown so much. I've tried on so many persona's and styles, trying to find the one that fits me... and now, I'm still tentatively still working on being cool myself.

I'm a winger. I make a lot of things up as I go, because whenever I make plans, my life takes rather drastic turns. For example, two years ago, when Willow's father and I spilt, my plan was to study nursing, graduate, while saving up for a small house for the two of us. I couldn't see myself in a serious relationship with anyone until after I graduated. I couldn't afford to live in Darwin, nor could I find a rental... so I started looking at other places in Australia. Other cheaper places. I started looking at universities with rural campus's- the ones you don't need a high Tertiary Entrance Rank (TER, also known as ATAR) for. I never really considered myself very smart. A bluffer, and a show off, yes. But not mentally agile and gifted.

I've always wanted to live in Sydney. Around this time, M called me up out of the blue and we started talking on the phone. He mentioned Newcastle- the nearest city to where he was- had a uni. I half looked into it, and figured it was cheaper to live, and an easier uni to get into, then anything in Sydney. I put Newcastle Uni down as my first preference, then the University of Technology second. I think Newcastle Uni's Ourimbah campus was third, and I also applied for University of New England, which was separate.
The day I found out how I went on the mature age entry test was the same day first round preferences was announced. I was easily accepted into Newcastle University. My TER was high enough I could have waited and gone to a university in Sydney... but I didn't. M and I had been talking on the phone for a few months, so I decided to stick with Newcastle and see where things went. You know how this ended.

M and I decided to move in together because we had an unhealthy co-dependant relationship. M would finish a 12 hours shift and then drive two hours to see me. Then he would sleep for a few hours, get up, drive the two hours back to work for another 12 hour shift... If M wasn't driving two hours to see me, doped up on No Doze, I was training all the way out to see him, at Nearly At the End of The Line, text books in tow. Basically, we decided to live together so M didn't fall asleep at the wheel. And it wasn't all romping. We talked a lot, and still do. Like a pair of budgies. While M's at work, we sms each other. When he's home, we're always talking... although now, Willow does most of the talking. Unhealthy co-dependant relationship- we can't go several hours without talking to each other...

So, instead of studying nursing in Newcastle, I'm living in Little Town, and wondering if we're better off if I just get a job rightnow, instead, so we can save up to buy a house quicker. See? I'm bad at making plans. I feel like an engagement or pregnancy announcement is the logical end to this post, since it's all about my inability to plan my future/ funny twists life takes/ how much I adore M/ how we're all in a transition period in so many ways, but nothing like that is happening....

... Well, M did bring me home a big rock. Actually, he brings me home big rocks all the time from work, but this one was special, because it was petrified wood, and I've been begging him to bring home some for ages. M says there is a lot lying around the mines, but nothing in carry home pieces. So, I now have my special big rock and I'm very happy. You can see the bark, and the rings in the wood, and it's just beautiful. Expect photos when I finish setting the garden on fire.

So. Sundayland it now is around here. Because it feels right. And doing what feels right? It's made me insanely happy. I promise to write better, and more, instead of cluttering up my facebook with blabbler about Willow... which is hyprocritical, when you think about how I'm trying to limit screen time, but whatevs.

Promise.